Starting again

As I sit here on my lunch break at my very un-medical job shoveling food into my mouth, I feel calm. A feeling I haven't felt in a few days. Twice a year I have a complete mental breakdown. This usually occurs around the time I get my new waitlist number for my schools nursing program (which happens to be 315, and they only let 30 students in a semester!!!). If you could here my thoughts during these relentlessly stressful days you would hear something like this:

"What the hell am I doing with my life? Will I be 35 by the time I'm done with school and actually earn a decent living? Am I letting down my family? Not living up to my potential?" Etc...
... But really with many more expletives.

This is pretty much all thats happened in my head for the past few days, but luckily, I start volunteering at in the Medical Unit of the Boondocks Juvenile Hall this Sunday. It is unofficial and probably illegal, but I'm working on changing that, and the nurses I'm working with don't mind. This is most likely because the head nurse is my Mom. I won't be getting to do too much nurse-y stuff at first, but even just filing charts, taking vitals, and watching the other nurses do procedures will be amazing. Thinking about being involved in something medical related makes me feel like so much less of a slacker, and relieves so much tension that I've been feeling lately about taking so long to get through school.

I am trying to get in the habit of blogging again, even if no one is reading. I think it might help put things in perspective. That is all.