An old blog post and a new opportunity

I'm about 3 weeks shy of finishing my third semester of nursing schoo.l Its been a real fuckin rollercoaster. Half the time I dont even think I want to be a nurse anymore, at least not one in the hospital. Med surg nurses work fucking hard, for little thanks, and they (in my experience) have not been the happiest, friendliest lot.

I've been looking back over my blog the past few days and found this pleasant draft of a post above. Ironically I just was offered and accepted a position in a Critical Care Program for the ER at a big ol Level 1 Trauma Center. I was really hoping I wouldn't get the job (I'm an asshole)! I still have major reservations about working in a hospital. Especially one I will have to commute 45-1.5 hrs to and from, depending on traffic. I know that this is an insane opportunity that anyone would be crazy to turn down, but the thought of commuting, and working nights, and having zero idea what I'm doing, and feeling constantly stressed, and terrified, and more stress, and more scared, and having four patients at once, and did I mention I'm going to be stressed? for at least a year, probably closer to two, frankly sounds horrible. Especially when compared to the cushy job I'm working now. M-F 930-6, no holidays off, no weekends, walk to work, eat lunch on the beach, spend time with my family and friends, still don't really no what I'm doing but... there's plenty of other rn's and mds around to ask questions to, usually. The only downside is I spend all day sitting on my butt. Doing lots of stuff I did as a medical assistant.

I do want that critical care experience, but at what cost? My mental health? Le sigh... I feel like I must be the only new grad who has this problem! I know most people would kill to be in my shoes and I'm being an ungrateful twat, my gut is just turning thinking of having so much responsibility.

Off to drink heavily....<3 p="">